End of 1 week Raya holiday

Today is the last day. Tomorrow/Later will have to go to school again...

And btw .. I hate him !! coz his face keep appearing in my mind !! I saw strawberry also think of him !! hate him coz i cry again !! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!!!

The funny thing is I still pray for him .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz !

mum said...

mum said... are you crazy? why you cut yourself?
I want to say... maybe, to release stress...

mum said... after you cut yourself, what did you get?
I want to say... nothing!...
But instead I said... I feel better after cutting...

mum said... after you cut yourself, your problems still haven't solved!
I want to say... I still feel better!
But instead I said... Yes, I agree with you...

mum said... and you get hurt also! you feel pain!!
I want to say... I don't care, I like it!
But instead I said... Yes, it does feel pain...

mum said... I carry you in my tummy for 10 months, give birth to you, now you big already you hurt yourself like that!?
I want to say... I'm sorry...
But instead ... I said nothing...

mum said... I might as well cut off your arms and legs myself!
I want to say... I'm so sorry...
But instead... I said nothing...

mum said... don't put too much feelings in to him...
I want to say... I already put all my feelings in to him... I love him
But instead... I said nothing...

I told her how do I feel, how I treated him, how I helped him, how I love him, what he promised me, how he hurt me... I told mum almost everything....
But mum said... don't put too much feelings in to him !!! most probably he will .......................... change..........

My friend said we are so cute when we are together...
I want to say... I think I don't match for him.. he deserved a better girl than me...
But instead I said... Really? I think he is the one who is cute, not me... and I love him very much !

His friend said he is a nice boy... very good... I made a good choice...
I want to say... I still think I don't match for him...
But instead..... I forgot what I said.... =.=

I remembered the times he holding my hand.... I feel safe..... when I cry, I use the same hand that he hold to wipe the tears...

I remembered the times we standing so close together...

I tried to make his short and rough hair messy but I failed =(

I remembered his voice, his smile... he enjoying playing with his flute, violin....

Will he still be wearing that necklace...?

I'm writing this, while wondering why I keep crying at house..infront mum, infront of monitor, infront of my books, at school, infront all my classmates, friends, best friend...

I want to ...

Thanks to my friends for they tried everything to make me laugh back.... but I kept on crying....
I cry and I laugh... like a crazy person....

Thanks to my friends too for they care about me ... they almost become crazy when they saw the cuttings on my hand... they asked "Why? Look at me, tell me, why are you doing this?" but I kept on shaking my head...

Sorry to my friends for I din't tell them what made me cry, what had happened to me...

Din't chat with him today... maybe now he sleeping already ....
But instead... I chat with his friend...

ugh .. going to sleep...

Meaningful?

*忧伤的童话*

也许爱情是一部忧伤的童话
惟其遥远与真实
惟其不可触摸与欠缺
方可成就起璀璨与神圣
放弃一个很爱你的人，并不痛苦
放弃一个你很爱的人，那才痛苦
爱上一个不爱你的人，那更痛苦
若是有缘，
时间，空间都不是问题
若是无缘，
终是相聚也是无法会意
凡是不必太在意，更不需去强求
就让一切随缘吧。。。。。。
逃避，不一定逃得过
面对，不一定最难过
孤单，不一定不快乐
得到，不一定能长久
失去，不一定不再拥有
也许因为某个原因让自己伤心难过
但你却能找个理由让自己快乐
相爱无非是要快乐
两个人不能快乐，不如一个人快乐
两个人痛苦，不如成全另一个人快乐
爱，是一种感受，即使痛苦也会觉得幸福
爱，是一种体会，即使心碎也会觉得甜蜜
爱，是一种经历，即使破碎也会觉得美丽
有些失去的注定的，
有些缘分是永远不会有结果的
爱一个人不一定要拥有。。。。。。
爱一个人不孤单，想一个人才孤单
静静的想念，孤独的享受
放开天上的云朵，抛开遗留的誓言
虽然遗憾，但是不会痛
爱一个人，失去了，就会留下一个伤口
永远都有隐隐作痛
不要因为寂寞而错爱；不要因为错爱而寂寞。。。

Morning, 28th day of July, Monday

Last night forced myself to act like nothing has happened... I guess he doesn't know how I feel.
Everything are still like just happened few seconds ago ... Saturday, Sunday... Last night sleeping on a wet pillow ... dream of him.... Guess what? in that dream, he walking away with the one he love, not me... he dump me away .. and said something horrible to me.. " I don't love you ! It's a lie!" It was indeed a "sweet dreams" .....

27th day of July, Sunday

Yesterday, hugging my teddy bear.. crying. 1 bread for breakfast, cold orange juice for lunch.. coughing.. air for dinner, being forced to drink hot chocolate for supper, because im shivering..
Everybody feel bad because they cant eat, hungry. I feel good and happy because not eating .. Today woke up at 10 something... feeling like crap! No breakfast... After shower, get dressed, went to church...

Sitting inside such beautiful and comfortable church, listening to choir singing, pastor talking ... my shallow eye.. full of tears.. makes my vision blurry.. suddenly, i can see everything clear again... it was, my tears flow out.. drop by drop...... uncontrolable. I have to wipe them secretly, silently..... I tried to look upwards but it didn't work.. at all... I don't know why.......

Went to violin class at 4:30pm. Same time with him .. I'm happy to see him, but in the mean time, I'm feel kind of sad, angry... I din't talk to him.. din't look at him in the eyes .. When he is leaving, I actually don't want him to leave.... but .. what to do.. Maybe he got other things to do, so .. I let him go .. Watching him walking away with tons of books and his new violin...

Since he is so worried .. i will act to be strong in front of him... keep all things inside, so he will be less worrying .......

no mood #1

no mood at all at school. now hands shaking like phone ringing in silent mode.. suddenly wanna cry. felt so pressure ...

Friday, 18 July 2008

Today.. so tired... Came back from school, take off shoes, put down bag, shower, lunch, doing homework, fell asleep.

When wake up already 8 something. Shower again, dinner, sleep again .......... Although I missed him all day long, but my lazy eyes keep closing .. I wake up again , this time almost 11. He sent me a sms, saying he going to sleep already..... Oh well.. there's always tomorrow..

cold cold ...

This afternoon raining so heavily, now still very cold leh ... makes me think back those days..
People are busy finding shelter while I am busy playing with raindrops ... hahaha~ Now no more lo.. nobody teman me also...

I fell asleep when it was raining.. sigh ~ so tired ! Everyday go to school, doing the same thing. Learning, answering questions, dreaming, doing homeworks.. zzzzz ~ Today my friend sick lo, vomit and stomach ache.. Plus, her bus left her.. So my dad fetch us home ...

No biology class today ... teacher don't know go where, maybe go check up or something. Somehow I feel happy whenever there's no bio class... zzz ~ my dream of being a forensic ... cannot come true already if my bio results are so chammm ! =(

And today we get free The Star newspaper.. Just a part of it, and since it's so boring in Maths' class, I draw on the newspaper, I colour the big bold white words ..... and suddenly, "Ong Wan Lin!" Teacher called me. I thought he is going to scold me for drawing newspapers, but actually he just want to give me back my exercise book... =x So... I continued drawing ~ muahahaha ~~~

Just now my mum called, say her car sick already ~ , engine cannot start ~ she said she heard her engine coughing, sneezing, shivering , and .. and.. and .. and .. coughing and coughing and coughing .. Papa now going to jeti to wait her .. I guess the car will be staying at the island for 1 night.. I'm gonna miss that car ~ *sniff*

changed

The assembly of SMKPR ~ a 1 hour time that you can't talk, if got caught have to read prayers infront of all students !! A voice come from nowhere : *shhhhh !! diam la*

=____=!

Today changed some rules already lor, after assembly every morning, prefects have to stand in front and back of a line to make sure students passed the 'checkpoints' zzzzz....... even jacket also cannot wear liao, like this cold until become ice also nevermind lu ~ At bm class my friend and I busy doing last week's homeworks, din't listen to teacher at all.. hahaha ~~~ Today Lina brought her camera to take pictures with teachers that come for practical ones.. This Friday is their last day here lor.. so, whole class took pictures together ... but still want us to give other photos of ourselves.. haih ~

I got my new scout pants, ok ok loh .. still better than nothing ma hor ~ and I bought some t-shirts and a long pants.. nice also lo..

He now sleeping lor, hope later he can finish his work faster then sleep lor ... I just now pack finish my bag only found out that summary must pass up tomorrow .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

Time to use my brain lo ~

a nice weather

Today ~ Sunday ~ the day I go to church with my parents and grandmother .. Usually after church the sun will be baking all of us, but today it seems like the sun is busy baking other places.. and cloudy ~ good chance to look at clouds and sky ^^

Today din't sms him o.. give him peacefully tuition for one day ba ~ hahaha

I look at monitor , daydreaming .. then suddenly 6 pm already ~ I suddenly feel so happy, don't know why, maybe because its time to play my violin ~ I tried to play violin while walking, not bad, out of tune little bit ... and I tried to memorise some songs ~ I can play minuet 2 while walking, I shall practice with other songs.. hahahaha ~!!

Till night, I mean , now, he still doing his moral things, and he asked me if I want to sleep early or not.. I said no, and I told him I got this and that to do, bla bla bla, actually I just want teman him lo .. Hope he won't angryy .. Don't angry lo mister tan ~~ ^^

Our first time

Today o, he invite me to go to the concert at auto city .. I'm quite nervous .. hehe .. His parents fetched us there.. There got many people lor, want find a place to eat also hard.. but we still somehow managed to found a place to sit ^^

He paid for my ice-cream , hehe actually I also paiseh .. After eating, we went in to the concert there, we both can only see the big screen from behind.. Standing for awhile, then we walk around and around and around .. He very cute o, he always open the door for me.. I try kacau him , I asked him to lend me his hand for awhile ~
Wa.. can hold his hand for awhile , happy neh ~~~ I compared my hand to his , almost the same size ^^

Then we stand near the entrance, waiting for his parents to come fetch us home... We chat while waiting.. hehe ~ then it starts to rain ...... We ran into car, and there's traffic jam.. I was looking at him in the car .. then fell asleep .. so paiseh nia ... hehehe ... When he wake me up, it is almost reach my home de .. my hair was messy due to sleeping inside car, so I untie my hair better ~ hehe ... So happy today ~~

Muacks ~~~

A Trip To KL With Friends and Teachers

This is the last day lor, we were at Nilai 3 .. There sell textiles one.. we don't have interest with that also.. In the pic, there's 9 people including me, got another 2 don't know go where already.

Putrajaya~

My best friend and me. My fingers look weird ..

Cheez ~~~~

My current wallpaper. I think it's not bad .

Act ghost, although I'm afraid of ghost.

Grr.. don't make me angry !!

A little bit of reflection of KL tower, the camel of AmBank ...


Presenting !! *drum rolls ~~*

Malaysia's Tilting Tower ~~~ hahahaha

Mosque. We changed to casual wear after 'ponteng' at KLCC..

The skies of Kuala Lumpur...

First time to Petrosains~

"Look !! My sharp teeth !! Don't ever come near me like this girl who is taking my picture !!"

View from Planeterium Negara.

Husband & wife rabbits ( I guess ) They are cute, don't they?

Hohoho ~ Me at Pusat Sains Negara

My birthday cake ~ My dad gave me a present, which is .. Give me try to drive a car. With him beside of course ~ haha .. That was fun ~ I managed to make the engine "si huey" a few times ~ keke...

What a day...

Uh... what a tired day......

Today, my add maths teacher din't show up. I'm glad she din't because if she'd came, I'd still doing her homework now !

Next up, physics, we learn about pressure in liquid and atmosphere. Today no bio class also ~~ yipeeeee ~ but then after recess my best friend cry leh.... I tried to pujuk her, but I let her cry, because I know after crying she'll back to normal. I even think that I'm her counselor already ..
I told her, if she doesn't like someone, she should tell that person directly and not keep inside her heart. And also, if someone want to do something that involves her and she doesn't like, she should not challenge that person like "pergi la, saya tak takut! " Instead, she should say it out what she feels, straightfoward. I gave her some examples..

I don't know whether she is listening or not, but I guess she did. After all she feels much better after that. I pujuk her until my mouth dry -.-! Thanks to my bm teacher.. if he din't come, I think she will cry for 1 hour plus .... phew ... !

My chemistry teacher said my whole class is in a critical condition, "dah nazak la".. because hor, he asked us a question, we don't know what's the answer. When he explain to us the answer, he relate to something which he thinks it will make us understand more, but it get worse. I see his face like wanna bang the Great Wall of China already.. hahahahah.. I'll get to him jumping down from KLCC tomorrow. I'm sure. Who ask him to arrange additional class !?!?! hehehe ~~ just kidding...

The funny part is, don't know where he get a towel, he wipe his face with that, and then put at table. You know lah, table so dirty one, he use that towel to wipe also afterwards. When he explain that same answer, he had used up all his words already. He use the towel wipe his face, from neck to hair, and then put the towel on his head.. his looked so funny leh that time.. Pity him... he said he never went to training for teaching, he teach us by his own experience. Maybe that's why even he bang the Great Wall of China, jump down from KLCC, also we can't understand, or maybe understand a little little little bit ~~

My violin baby

lalalalalala ~ It's finally over ~ I performed not that bad .. well... it is all the microphone's fault ! Uncle put it too near me and I din't even noticed it. When the music starts, my bow hit the mic and I'm shocked... and I can only continue back after few secs ..

Frankly, it's not in my imagination. I feel sad after I reached home and looking back the video that my papa took. Maybe I have a very high expectations for myself, that's why...

Nevermind, I went to Giant with my papa, and I noticed some colour wolfs keep looking at me.. I don't think I want to wear that for shopping next time ...

Me and my baby ~~~~ If it talks, I wanna say : I love you ~~~ baby ~~

Friday

Yesterday I din't write at all, because I came home from school almost 4 something in the afternoon. Then I rested for awhile, then it's 7 pm already. I have to go to Butterworth for rehearsal/practice my violin.

After I reached there, soon another guy arrives. We practice together first, then later on another girl came. I think we're doing great. After the practice, I get to know that guy's name, where he studies and phone number, but I forgotten to ask the girl one =.=! Haih.. nevermind la...

Just now that guy sms me for my msn, I gave him. I'm happy to have 2 new friends from other schools ^^~ Anyway tomorrow is the day. Just thinking of it makes me nervous, don't know when standing at stage I can perform well, good, not bad or bad..?

Today pj time, almost all from my class wears class t-shirt. Looks cool, although the shirt looks normal =D today is just another normal day, nothing special...

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday, 25th June 2008.

Nine days after my birthday...

I hate Wednesday very much, because it's Hari Badan Beruniform. I hate wearing that stupid black shoes, which makes my foot pain and uncomfortable sometimes and I hate kawad. I hate the heat, I hate that I have nobody to talk to.

Sigh, today add maths class, teacher wants to check our work row by row, but the last row never check. Lucky me, I was sitting on the last row, muahahahahahaha!! Then we discussed about our homework... She explained everything thoroughly to us. Actually this teacher not bad, just a little bit nag-gy. She loved to nag us probably because she have nobody else to nag.. =D just kidding ~

Next, at the physics lab. We moved on to the new chapter, err.... pressure and force.. or something like that. I managed to answer the question correctly =D why is it always so hard when it's in exam....

Surprisingly, there's some exhibition about colleges. My whole class was there. Unfortunately, there's no course for Forensics... I wonder why .. forensic is cool, why no college provide this course wor ... sigh, nevermind. There are all about nursing, engineering, tourism, hotel management, chef ...... I was enjoying the exhibition when suddenly a classmate of mine, said that we must go to biology lab right away, because our bio teacher angry already.

And so we went to bio lab and continue studying. Although she is pregnant but she still can scold us loudly .. we were afraid of her, so we quickly finish our PEKA and pass up. Recess time is in between 2 period of biology... how weird... I quickly eat and then go back into the lab.

Then, it's BM class. So boring.... Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday also got 2 period of BM, everyday see the teacher's face for 1 hour plus, arghhhhhhh ! He gave some homework for us to do and I bet most of the malays already finished it. I will do it tonight .. =P

My chem teacher din't show up, because most of the teachers went for somekind of stupid meeting. But, he managed to find a big periodic table for us. It got all the formula and colourful periodic table. Price tag : RM 2.75

My lunch is 4 pieces of Tiger chocolate biscuit, the left from recess. Not very full but at least I ate something ~ Then all of us stand under the cruel sun for don't know how long, but to me, every second feels like an hour !! Imagine this, black hair, long-sleeve shirt, scarf on neck, long dark blue pants, black leather shoes and under the afternoon 2pm sun. very very the hotttt !

Then we kawad, I made somebody's shoe 'open mouth', and that form 6 guy keep say I deliberately do that one .. grrrr... and after kawad, pengerusi annouced that, we no need to wear full uniform to school anymore ~~~ we can wear scout t-shirts to school ~ weeeeeeeeeeee ~~~~
actually not that happy at all, my friend from PBSM were mad about those lower 6 people. my not-so-close friend at scout also mad about a girl who thinks she is veryyyyy pretty. frankly she looks fat, her face round like a ball =P

I practiced my violin, I think I'm not that bad already ... or maybe not ..? Hmmm........

Violin performing

Today is the same old Saturday, waking up at 10am, wash face, brush teeth, eat breakfast, shower, go to violin class.

I thought it is the same old Saturday but in fact, it's not ! I walk into the room, my teacher told me that next saturday got music performance at Sunway, and she asked me want to take part in it or not. I'm not quite sure I can do it or not, but since I have performed when I was small, I agreed. Tomorrow have another class because I was absent last Saturday. Tomorrow is a replacement but instead, I got a chance to meet my partners, which we will perform together next Saturday. We will practice together tomorrow ~~~~ I'm looking foward to it... I hope I won't be afraid when at stage...

Thinking back when I was Form 2, my crazy teacher asked me to take part in the story telling competition. When at stage, my arms and legs shake so terribly, and I talk too soft until the speaker got no sound come out... hahaha ~~ I think they were laughing at me down there. How sad ....

But nevermind, I'll post some photos of mine at KL.

sad things

All the sad things happened. Well, not all, but .. sigh... don't know how to say...

Got 2 sad things altogether. My uncle .. he .. passed away at saturday. I went to Tambun, but I don't dare to watch him on his face. Not because I did something wrong to him, it's just I'm afraid to see a corpse .. Don't know why .. *sigh* I hope uncle won't mad at me for not looking at him for the last time.....

Another is, maybe it's a good one, maybe it's a bad one... that is ...

I finally confronted him. I asked him the question that I wanted to ask him, and he replied the answer as I expected as well. I know, the problem is on me. I'm too stupid and I'm just too young to involve in relationships ( or that's what elders said ), I need to focus on my studies... I have my target, and it's hard for me, but I'm sure I can do it !

He said he still can't get over with his ex... but likes me too .. I don't know what to do.. But I think I'm doing the right thing, isn't it. This way, I can focus on my studies and I won't headache over these relationships problems.

As time passes, feeling passes too.

~Amelyn~*

Teachers' day~

Teachers' day. Our school had a celebration after so many days of mid-year exam and at the last day of school...



The tradition is, each class will prepare some foods at table/stall and let teachers to eat, and there is a hamper for those who decorate the stall most beautiful. So, traditionally, I made some origami to decorate it.


There are 14 of them.

I fold these stupid origami until 3am, and at our class's stall,


4 PUTIH ~~~~

That day, those malays told me that this year don't have competition on decorations. grrr.....

I even made these....



Sigh. If hor, got competition, my class sure get first prize.... *cries*

Nevermind lah, got so many yummy food to eat...



There's many programme leh, got indian dance, chinese dance, malay dance, singing, and some games, of course for teachers only ^^



That's our new headmaster, at the center, Pn. Fauziah. She joined the game too~

And we got our new class t-shirt. Franklyyyy... I don't like it. It's too big, too dark, wear d look like old people, the comic in there look stupid, the 'science stream' word so ugly, and it look like promotioning science... most of all, it costs RM22.. zzzzzzzzzzzzz




Ahhhhh ~!! Why no hand de???

Anyone managed to spot my name? Of course can la, my name so big at there still can't see meh ..

To end this post, I post some of the pictures taken that day.



From the left, the one pointing at me is fasihah (we call her adik), our monitor assistant.. the one sitting is khairunisa (nisa), and at the center is lina. Skinny and fierce ~ =P


Me and my best friend, foo wah ~ she's beautiful ~


I look like I'm wearing my dad's shirt... the shirt too big d..

This very friendly friend if form 5 one, I forgot her name also ..

~Amelyn~*

Making 'bak zhang'

Bak zhang. (What do you call that in english?)

Today me and my mum is going to make this.

Soaking the leaves.

We are making it quite early... because we wanted to eat it so much !!

I learnt to make it, but ... urghhhh.. too hard =(

Mum still laugh at me, 'cause the shape of 'bak zhang' I made look weird... =(

So, I leave the rest for my mum to make =P

Now these 'bak zhang' are inside hot water, boiling. ^^ Hope can eat it tonight...!!~

Rain..

It's going to start raining...


"faster ~~ faster !! I want go tuition liao !! "

Well, luckily it only starts to rain after I finish sweeping all the rubbish and leaves out.

But -.- it still din't rain yet... zzzzzzzzzz

The weather now like we are staying inside the microwave oven / oven toaster. But still never rain.

Sigh... rain .. rain .. faster come.. don't come the other day.


Rain..rain rain rain rain rainnnnnnnn~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh... These days I got crazy with taking pictures. Everything also wanna take a picture, even rain =x

I wonder why the picture above there the roofs look so dark...

oh no

it became like this... this afternoon.

And then ... evening ...

like this.

wat a boring post ~ i know ... hehe

It's Friday!

This picture of flower is taken on yesterday..

This is taken on today..... I never thought it will wilt so fast =(

well... today's exam is maths paper 1 & 2,

why is it always paper 2 harder than paper 1 ?? whyyyyy......???? Paper 1 much more easier leh. I wonder what to do today =P ~

Happy Mother's Day ~~~

May 11th, Mother's day ...

I went shopping with my mum, at Sunway Carnival Mall.

We bought RM115 from The Body Shop, and we get this sunflower from the information counter.

We put it in an old vase once we got back home and add some water.

Well it wilted a little bit, but still pretty...