mum said...

mum said... are you crazy? why you cut yourself?
I want to say... maybe, to release stress...

mum said... after you cut yourself, what did you get?
I want to say... nothing!...
But instead I said... I feel better after cutting...

mum said... after you cut yourself, your problems still haven't solved!
I want to say... I still feel better!
But instead I said... Yes, I agree with you...

mum said... and you get hurt also! you feel pain!!
I want to say... I don't care, I like it!
But instead I said... Yes, it does feel pain...

mum said... I carry you in my tummy for 10 months, give birth to you, now you big already you hurt yourself like that!?
I want to say... I'm sorry...
But instead ... I said nothing...

mum said... I might as well cut off your arms and legs myself!
I want to say... I'm so sorry...
But instead... I said nothing...

mum said... don't put too much feelings in to him...
I want to say... I already put all my feelings in to him... I love him
But instead... I said nothing...

I told her how do I feel, how I treated him, how I helped him, how I love him, what he promised me, how he hurt me... I told mum almost everything....
But mum said... don't put too much feelings in to him !!! most probably he will .......................... change..........

My friend said we are so cute when we are together...
I want to say... I think I don't match for him.. he deserved a better girl than me...
But instead I said... Really? I think he is the one who is cute, not me... and I love him very much !

His friend said he is a nice boy... very good... I made a good choice...
I want to say... I still think I don't match for him...
But instead..... I forgot what I said.... =.=

I remembered the times he holding my hand.... I feel safe..... when I cry, I use the same hand that he hold to wipe the tears...

I remembered the times we standing so close together...

I tried to make his short and rough hair messy but I failed =(

I remembered his voice, his smile... he enjoying playing with his flute, violin....

Will he still be wearing that necklace...?

I'm writing this, while wondering why I keep crying at house..infront mum, infront of monitor, infront of my books, at school, infront all my classmates, friends, best friend...

I want to ...

Thanks to my friends for they tried everything to make me laugh back.... but I kept on crying....
I cry and I laugh... like a crazy person....

Thanks to my friends too for they care about me ... they almost become crazy when they saw the cuttings on my hand... they asked "Why? Look at me, tell me, why are you doing this?" but I kept on shaking my head...

Sorry to my friends for I din't tell them what made me cry, what had happened to me...

Din't chat with him today... maybe now he sleeping already ....
But instead... I chat with his friend...

ugh .. going to sleep...

Meaningful?

*忧伤的童话*

也许爱情是一部忧伤的童话
惟其遥远与真实
惟其不可触摸与欠缺
方可成就起璀璨与神圣
放弃一个很爱你的人，并不痛苦
放弃一个你很爱的人，那才痛苦
爱上一个不爱你的人，那更痛苦
若是有缘，
时间，空间都不是问题
若是无缘，
终是相聚也是无法会意
凡是不必太在意，更不需去强求
就让一切随缘吧。。。。。。
逃避，不一定逃得过
面对，不一定最难过
孤单，不一定不快乐
得到，不一定能长久
失去，不一定不再拥有
也许因为某个原因让自己伤心难过
但你却能找个理由让自己快乐
相爱无非是要快乐
两个人不能快乐，不如一个人快乐
两个人痛苦，不如成全另一个人快乐
爱，是一种感受，即使痛苦也会觉得幸福
爱，是一种体会，即使心碎也会觉得甜蜜
爱，是一种经历，即使破碎也会觉得美丽
有些失去的注定的，
有些缘分是永远不会有结果的
爱一个人不一定要拥有。。。。。。
爱一个人不孤单，想一个人才孤单
静静的想念，孤独的享受
放开天上的云朵，抛开遗留的誓言
虽然遗憾，但是不会痛
爱一个人，失去了，就会留下一个伤口
永远都有隐隐作痛
不要因为寂寞而错爱；不要因为错爱而寂寞。。。